The Search

So change has once again sneaked its way back into my life. I was dating an amazing guy, but for various reasons, that is no more. I'm okay. He's okay. Is it the best thing ever? Definitely not. Does it break my heart a little bit at least once a day? Heavens yes. I have gone back and forth with myself for a couple weeks if I made the right decision. The only times I ever feel complete peace is when I place complete trust in God and allow him to move me forward, once step at a time.

Now, I read my older posts about breaking up, and DTRs-- all the advice I gave to others I now need to apply to myself.

One thing I learned from my four-month relationship is a knowledge of what I want. I am content with this search. It is one that will take time, patience and trust. But it is a search I am determined to make so that I too can find what we are all searching for. Let's face it: we all want to give and receive love every day for the rest of forever. Let the search begin.

Dear Daters

Dear Daters-

Every emotion that you have ever felt while dating, I empathize with. I've been there. Guess what? Billions of others have too. Isn't it wonderful? Isn't it awful? If you stop and listen, you will find that everyone is buzzing about their relationship status, and how it needs an update. This should give you comfort. It should let you know that you are not alone.

Each and every week in the Scroll, there is atleast one reference to dating, courtship and marriage. No wonder it's on our minds all the time. It's in our classes, our wards, our FHE groups, our jobs-- everything.

But fear not. One day you will meet a charming someone from Alaska. He will be perfect for you in every way, and will make you want to be a better person. He will tell you how beautiful you are, and make you feel important and intelligent. He will serve you and comfort you. He will make you laugh. He will read your smiles. He will hold your hand, and kiss your forehead.

One day, he will come. And it's worth every minute of agony waiting for him.

Love, Emmilie

Marriage: The Way it Should Be
Become good friends before going out
Relationships are like food pyramids

DTR

DTR. Three little letters that can make or break your relationship. What is the DTR? You know what it is. It's when Mandy and Shawn have been dating for 3 weeks, but have never actually addressed the issue with each other. It's when Shawn is having a good time getting to know her. It's when Mandy has been discussing the situation with her roommates each and every night at great lengths to try and determine "where this is all going." It's when finally, Mandy can take it no more, and she says this to an unsuspecting Shawn:

"Shawn, we need to talk."

Baffled, Shawn agrees. Three hours later, he has talked about his feelings until he is ready to dissolve into a puddle of them on the floor. Mandy, feeling much better about their future, holds his hand and supportively offers, "You did good, Shawn. I'm glad we've figured out where we are, where we are going, and how we feel about it."

Shawn merely nods and grunts not feeling the need to offer anything ever again.

This is the DTR. You know it's true. After this conversation, things will continue just as they always have between Mandy and Shawn. The only thing that will have changed is that Mandy will have what she needs: security. Shawn will now live in fear of any time Mandy says, "Shawn, we need to talk."

There are a lot of different opinions as to when, where and how the DTR should happen. The BYU-Idaho Scroll takes a stand as to whether or not the DTR is effective. Check it out:


The Scroll's take on the DTR

Proceed to have the "talk" with caution.

The Gym

BYU-Idaho campus offers a social watering hole. The gym. I will admit, as I'm sure others will, to going to the gym in pursuit of a date.

I am not ashamed. This is one of the reasons people spend money on a gym membership rather than a treadmill. There is a social aspect to working out.

I also used to work at a gym, and can attest that it is one of the best places to meet people with the intent of a relationship.

For both men and women, it's a place to show off. Look at that guys biceps. Look at that girls abs. Look at how well she runs. Look at how much he can bench. It's a conversation starter. You already have something in common. Endorphins make you brave. Suddenly, you are infused with confidence, and can take on the world.

Yes, the gym is a good place to get dates.

Why Men and Women Can't Be Friends

Taken from Utah State, this video explains a dating truth. You're smiling because you know it's true.

Rebounds

The Urban Dictionary defines a rebound as: "Going from one relationship to the next right away to avoid the pain of a breakup." and "Hooking up with someone shortly after being dumped (by someone else) so that you still feel wanted." 


Rebounds are sketchy and they never last very long. You can never have a clear head while having a rebound relationship. Let's face it. You are probably wishing you were with that other person the whole time instead of enjoying the one you are with. 


Rebounds are to be avoided at all costs. You are worth more than a hug or make out from some sleazy guy who doesn't really care about you in the first place. Don't ever marry a rebound. You will regret it. 


Live your life, and get over the pain of your last love gone wrong at the gym or the bakery. 

The Breakup

The worst part of every relationship is the break up. I have observed and participated in a few breakups in my life, and I've learned a few things.

1. "People say it's mutual, but it never is." This is from the wise Michael Scott of The Office. 
2. Normally, breakups involve lots of awkward physical contact. One party tries to comfort, or console the other. The upset breaker-upper normally refuses to be consoled. 
3. If it's inevitable, just do it. Don't drag it out; embrace it, and let it happen. 
4. Don't kiss when you are breaking up. It makes things awkward. 
5. Be honest with yourself, and the other person. Even if you don't think they want to hear what you have to say, say it. 
6. Don't over analyze everything, let go of the emotion of the situation, don't cling to the past and move on. 
7. Find closure. However it comes, get it through your head that it's over. Don't go back. 
8. Don't regret the time you spent with your significant other. However long, and rough it was figure out what it was that you learned. Cling to that, and not to the drama. 
9. Time heals a lot of things. Let it come.
10. Above all, allow yourself to move on. 

Breakups are hard, but remember they don't need to be. Allow yourself to feel what you feel, but then let it go. Every breakup will lead to a new opportunity for growth and improvement. Allow it.