"I just need to find a wife."

Today, I was sitting at a computer in the library. Luckily, I took out my ear buds just in time to hear this.

"I just need to find a wife!"

This was the final conclusion of a conversation between two assumingly single friends, both male. I would pay money to know what their conversation was that led to this. But I don't. I am left to assume.

He walked by, said this statement in utter desperation, and continued to the west wing of the library. The people sitting around me heard his exclamation, and we exchanged amused glances, and laughed quietly to ourselves.

I've thought about this encounter all day. My initial reaction was to roll my eyes and think, oh come on. Classic BYU I-do. But then I thought again. That's what it's really all about isn't it? That's secretly what we are all looking for.

To find the one that makes us feel beautiful. The one that makes us feel important. The one that makes us feel needed. The one that makes us feel alive. The one that inspires us to be better. The one that makes us laugh. The one that laughs with us and at us. The one that is patient with our weaknesses. The one that helps us grow.

We know that it won't always be perfect. In fact, we anticipate the imperfection of it all. Yet we long for an imperfect future with an imperfect person. Why? Because we all believe in a little thing called love. Is it a game? Sometimes. Is it frustrating? Yes. Maddening? Yes. Intimidating? Yes. Is it phenomenally worth it? I'll let you know.

But that's what it comes down to. That's why we put ourselves through the proverbial hell. That's why we lay awake until 3 in the morning hoping, fearing, thinking. That's why we risk it all. To love, and to love in return.

Text with Caution

We all know that communication is key in any kind of relationship. Especially at the starting of one. This is an example of bad communication.

There once was a boy that asked a girl out. This charming suitor asked this fair lass for a date by the means of a one, Facebook. Insta-lame. (Boys, don't do this.) The girl said yes. The plan was one of grand proportions. They were going to head to Porter Park, have a nerf gun fight, and swing on the swings. (Classic Rexburg.) 15 minutes before the blessed date was to begin, the boy texts the girl and tells her that he doesn't want to do this plan anymore. Plan B? He is going to come over and play cards.

This is what the girl is thinking. Lame. Super lame, in fact. But she relents, because she is interested in the guy.

She decides to give a heads up to her roommates and let them know that the boy is coming over. She sends a messages that goes a little something like this:

Hey, my date is really lame and is coming over to play cards. Just so you know when you get back. Love you!

Harmless, right? Perhaps a little hasty. I'm sure playing cards would have been super fun.

5 minutes pass. The little black LCD screen illuminated, and the bell chimed. Text message. From her date. It goes a little something like this:

Did you mean to send that? Sorry I'm so lame.

At this moment, the girl's life flashed before her eyes. All of the breath in her body felt like it was being squeezed out of her. That just happened.

Text with caution, young lovers. 

Desperate, she tries to play it off as a funny joke. Luckily the boy is enough of a gentleman to play along. He comes over. There is a lot of forced laughter, and painful flirtation. After an hour of proving that they really do want to be there with each other, he suggests a drive. It's classic. A perfect time to talk. They laugh, they flirt and try to get the residual taste of awkward out of both of their mouths.

The date goes well. The boy even asks for a second date, much to the shock of the girl. But in the end, it never really goes anywhere. The girl attributes it to the awkward communication at the start.

The moral? Don't tell your date he is lame. Especially via text.

"Are you engaged yet?"

This happened to me yesterday. 
 

First, a confession session is in order. I am dating someone. It’s fine.

Yesterday, a friend texted me this: “Are you engaged yet?”

This is what followed:

Emmilie: Scary. No.

Friend: Ok… then how serious is it with this guy?... Cause I’ve got a friend coming to town that you should come on a date with.
Emmilie: Um… I’m going to have to say no to that one. Sorry!!
Friend: Why not?

Emmilie: Because I have a boyfriend!

Friend: :(
Emmilie: Sorry!
Friend: So? Lol play the field. Ok… Then come “hang out” lol
Emmilie: Yeah, no.
Friend: I’ll be there with my girlfriend anyway… it’s not like I’d be like oh here Emmilie, here’s my best friend and you and he are gonna go out, he’s not a creeper. Don’t worry. What are you doing tomorrow?
Emmilie: I’ll be in San Diego.
Friend: You’re lame.

This was the real conversation. I will let you in on a secret and tell you what was going on in my head.

Friend: Are you engaged yet?
Emmilie’s Thoughts: What the heck! Why does everyone ask that? It’s been two months! You have to DATE first!
Friend: Okay…then how serious is it with this guy?...Cause I’ve got a friend coming to town that you should come on a date with.
Emmilie’s Thoughts: Are you kidding me? What a tool! Just because I’m not engaged doesn’t mean I’m looking to date anyone else!
Friend: Why not?
Emmilie’s Thoughts: BECAUSE I HAVE A BOYFRIEND!!! What the heck?!

Why is it that just because there is no ring on my finger, some people automatically assume that it can’t possibly be anything serious, or worth pursing. Isn’t there this thing called, oh I don't know, courtship? Don't you have to date before you get engaged? Why yes. Yes you do. Just because I'm not rushing into getting married doesn't mean that I'm not committed or loyal to the one I'm dating. I think that the mentality of many LDS men, and women needs a drastic change.

In fact, I celebrate couples who date for several months, even up to a year. Well done you. Do I condem those that get engaged in a matter of weeks? No. Does it concern me? Yes. I am not the kind of girl to make decisions that will alter the rest of my eternities lightly. It's fine.

I suggest that everyone in Rexburg take a deep breath, a step back and let each other live thier lives and pursue thier relationships without expecatations. Thank you.

Not Dates

Don’t you hate it when you don’t know if you are a date? What is worse is when it looks like a date, feels like a date, acts like a date, for all collective purposes is a date, but your company for the evening informs you that it’s not a date.

I would like to tell you a story of a boy and a girl. The boy is naturally awkward, and many a woman may have hid from him as they saw him walking down the dimly lit corridors of the Smith Building.

The girl, normal, beautiful and funny was the unsuspecting victim of an awkward assault by the boy. He enters her apartment of 6 girls. He addresses the group as a whole, but makes eye contact with only her.

“Does anyone here want to go to a show on campus with me tomorrow night?”

Squirming under his penetrating glance, the girl has no choice but to surrender to the inevitability of an awkward date by this awkward boy’s side.

“Sure,” she relents.

He returns later to give her the details. Who exchanges phone numbers these days? A gentleman calls upon a fair maiden at her homestead.

After giving her the time, the place and the event, the boy says to her, “But I don’t want this to be a date. Is that okay with you?”

As if any other response beside “sure” would be acceptable, the girl again surrenders to the boy only to feel her trepidation for the events of the next day rise.

The time arrives. The not-date begins. He picks her up. He tells her she looks beautiful. He opens all her doors. He pays for her ticket. He buys her ice cream. He thanks her for the nice evening. He brings her home on time. But it’s not a date.

Perhaps this boy does not know that he is ninja dating. By my reckoning, that was a date, and saying it’s not doesn’t make it less true.

To all you men out there: Man up! If it’s a date, call it a date! Let the lady know what your expectations for the evening are. By keeping her in the loop, you are far more likely to succeed than by keeping her in the dark and taking her on not-dates.

The Eyes

True or false: you have been walking towards someone of the opposite sex, they have looked you in the eyes and made some sort of recognition, or half smile that looks slightly painful.

The answer is true. Everyone has experienced this. If you believed the answer was false, you need to start paying attention.

The question that I beg to know is: what am I supposed to do with that? What do they eyes mean? Do you expect me to say something? Smile back? Give you “the eyes” back? WHAT DO YOU WANT??

 In my dating experience, the skill of “eye flirting” has been perfected to a science. But the initial approach is still a little rusty. This is because there is no clear method of communication.

 I have gotten myself into some sticky situations resulting in awkward dates because of eye flirting. I would avoid against it unless you are absolutely certain that you want to go on a date with the receiver.

 I don’t have a solution to this phenomenon. Any suggestions?

 Perhaps the answer is found from all of the readers who answered “false” to the beginning question. Perhaps because some of us are still inept at picking up subtle cues, we should change the unwritten rules to something a little more blunt. How’s this: If you want to talk to me, wink. It’s easy. Open both eyes, then just close one of them. I’ll get the hint.

The Texting Bridge

This is courtesy of a one Buzz Carlson, a native of Kenai, Alaska. We once had a conversation that went something like this: 
 

“So, Buzz, let’s pretend that you are kind of interested in a girl.”

“Okay,” he responded.

“You text her to kind of get things going, right? So what goes through your mind when she texts you back?”

“Elation.”

Buzz has just adequately put a cap on the feeling that people, young and infatuated, get when an initial contact is made. But it’s a process that Buzz went on to teach me. 

First, there is a great deal of trepidation. What if she thinks you are a creeper? What if she doesn’t like you? What if she doesn’t text back?

But then she texts back. Initially, it’s elation that is felt. But then the foreplay begins, and there is an expectation to be “charming via text” as a popular movie describes it.

I told him that this is very similar from the woman’s perspective. In my case, the biggest thing for me is the unspoken expectation to be witty, charming and memorable. Please keep in mind that this is all done via text.

Each person that reads this more likely than not has had an experience texting where something was interpreted terribly wrong leaving both parties with on overall feeling of awkward.

Buzz then, in a stroke of pure genius, compared the experience to crossing a rickety old bridge. You know the one he means. The one that stretches a mile in between two mountains separating the thousand-foot death drop into the rushing river below. What is it made of? Rope, wood and nails, most of which are now missing. Rickety? Yes. Dangerous? Yes. Terrifying? Yes.

Texting can be just as flirtatious of a brush with death as crossing this bridge. But as Buzz Carlson found, the successful crossing of this bridge allows you to step into new territory. Maybe you’ll even get a date out of it.