Not Dates

Don’t you hate it when you don’t know if you are a date? What is worse is when it looks like a date, feels like a date, acts like a date, for all collective purposes is a date, but your company for the evening informs you that it’s not a date.

I would like to tell you a story of a boy and a girl. The boy is naturally awkward, and many a woman may have hid from him as they saw him walking down the dimly lit corridors of the Smith Building.

The girl, normal, beautiful and funny was the unsuspecting victim of an awkward assault by the boy. He enters her apartment of 6 girls. He addresses the group as a whole, but makes eye contact with only her.

“Does anyone here want to go to a show on campus with me tomorrow night?”

Squirming under his penetrating glance, the girl has no choice but to surrender to the inevitability of an awkward date by this awkward boy’s side.

“Sure,” she relents.

He returns later to give her the details. Who exchanges phone numbers these days? A gentleman calls upon a fair maiden at her homestead.

After giving her the time, the place and the event, the boy says to her, “But I don’t want this to be a date. Is that okay with you?”

As if any other response beside “sure” would be acceptable, the girl again surrenders to the boy only to feel her trepidation for the events of the next day rise.

The time arrives. The not-date begins. He picks her up. He tells her she looks beautiful. He opens all her doors. He pays for her ticket. He buys her ice cream. He thanks her for the nice evening. He brings her home on time. But it’s not a date.

Perhaps this boy does not know that he is ninja dating. By my reckoning, that was a date, and saying it’s not doesn’t make it less true.

To all you men out there: Man up! If it’s a date, call it a date! Let the lady know what your expectations for the evening are. By keeping her in the loop, you are far more likely to succeed than by keeping her in the dark and taking her on not-dates.